Stories of Survivors

I.. um.. Ive been around sexual things a lot in my younger life. My mom would.. Hook up with guys. She and my father divorced when I was young young. And.. Me and my brothers would move back and forth from my mom and dad. My moms.. friend, she had a daughter. I was about 6 or 7 year old. This girl was my age and my mom wanted me to befriends her. So, You know, I tried. One day she.. started talking about sex.  She said that she had seen her mother do it and I told her I had seen my mom do it, also. She asked me if I wanted to do it with her. I said no immediately. But she kept on asking and asking. I told my mom I didn’t want to hang out with her anymore, But she made me go to her house anyway. One day she said she would tell her mom that I raped her if I didn’t have sex with her. So I did it with her.  She started making me do it a lot with her. I guess I got addicted. I was around sexual things a lot. Like a lot a lot. I ended up moving in with my dad. My step brother and sister lived with him. I.. I guess I didn’t know how bad this was. But I ended up asking my step sister to do it with me. I feel so very bad, so bad. I can never take it back now. And sometimes I would do sexual things with my stepbro. I don’t live with them anymore. But I still feel terrible. Terrible. I know better now.

http://rapeculturemakesmeangry.tumblr.com/post/14447617187/thank-you-to-ourmissionisinfinity-for-your-submission

please kill yourself? that’s very rude of you to say.

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Dear, I believe you read wrong.  It says -in bold and italic- DO NOT kill yourself.  It’s either that or I’m interpreting this message the wrong way.  

Merry Christmas! 

-M 

- During these 2-3 weeks only M will be in charge of the blog.

- The submission box is tricky, so if you see that your story has not been posted, try to fit it into asks. Sorry for the inconvenience!

- If you’re going to submit your story and you want it to be anonymous or public PLEASE notify!

Other than that, I hope you all around the world have had a Merry Christmas!

-M

I’m 14. I’m a high school freshmen. In june this year, my boyfriend raped me. We’d only been going out for not even a month at that time. He seemed like the sweetest, most gentle person. Looking back, the thought of that disgusts me. But anyways, I had made it VERY clear to him that I was completely uninterested in sex of any kind. He took it very acceptingly and said he was fine with that. But then one day I went to his house when his parents weren’t home. To cut it short, he, well, raped me. He put his fingers inside me and I cried and told him it really hurt. He told me it would get better but I still fought him. Unfortunately, I lost the fight and in the end it was my virginity and willpower that he took. I go to school with him. All my friends love him. Ironically, the few amount of my friends that know what happened love him the most. It really hurts knowing my friends prefer him over me. My best friend (who knows) told me to kill myself once because I got angry at him for constantly ditching me for my rapist. Sometimes, killing myself doesn’t seem like such a bad idea. 

Please, please do not kill yourself. You are worth so much more than him. Be strong.

-A

This is what I wore when I was volunteering at a book store, I was asking people if they needed any help. This 60 year old man was being very inappropriate and had totally creeped me out with his lecherous smile so I told my supervisor and my supervisor had a talk about him not making dirty remarks to 16 year old girls. The 60 year old man then said that it was my fault because I had made a move on him and that I shouldn’t have been dressed like a hooker. Later I found out that he had already been fined 10 000 dollars for sending inappropriate pictures but in his defense she was “3 days from being 18.” A large parka, two tank tops, long pants, and boots is apparently enough for creeps like him to consider a 16 year old girl to be a “hooker,” society disappoints me. 

I agree with you, what you were wearing was not even remotely ‘hookerish’, and even if your clothes were revealing it still does not give anyone the right to molest or harass you in this way. 

-A

I was at a party with a coworker of mine, who I brought along because he could buy us some alcohol. I told him stories about my boyfriend of 3 years. We took shots together. After the party, we were so drunk that neither of us could drive home. I asked him to walk with me, to sober up. Then, he pulled me into the woods and proceeded to rape me, even though I begged him to stop. I had to see this man, this monster, every day at work. He told everyone at work how he had had me, and I was  terrified to admit the truth. He would run his hands over my waist at work, and his brother (who worked there, too) would smack my ass every chance he got. I did nothing about it. I was ashamed. I had to leave my job, where I had been working for over 3 years, because I couldn’t stand to see my rapist every day. Every time I tell my story, people tell me that it’s MY fault, that I dress too sexy, that I DESERVED it because I was drunk. I still haven’t told my boyfriend; it’s been 6 months.

It was not your fault -M

My rapist (four years later) is having a daughter,

and there’s nothing i can do. and i feel like shit. if i had reported it when there was evidence, he may not be having a baby. and now this little girl will grow up, being raised by a horrible man. his father sexually abused him as a child, who’s to say he won’t do that to his children? is there anything i can do to save this innocent child?

i’m not so sure how to start this…

uhh, basically, my experience happened sometime mid-late january. i can’t quite remember. my ex boyfriend had just shattered my heart into about sixty billion pieces. a little background, i’ve overcome a lot of sexual assault already. my step and biological brothers took turns assaulting me from ages 7-13. anything prior to that i honestly do not remember. i was trying as hard as i could to get over my ex, whom i was outstandingly attached to. i had attempted to find comfort in a boy, Jamie. he was 23 and i was 17, so that aspect alone made me feel a bit better. someone so much older than me wanted to hang out with me and talk to me! how thrilling! my two friends and myself had decided to go drinking at his house one night. now, i should’ve figured this was a horrible idea, seeing as when i drink, i get sadder than usual. but i was hoping jamie’s comfort would console that. i had a bit too much, too fast, trying to chase away my demons. i couldn’t stand up so well and was getting very tired, so i asked to go to bed. jamie kindly picked me up and took me to his room. i snuggled up, with heart break resonating. this is where it started. jamie decided to drunkenly pull of my pants. i squirmed away and asked him to fetch my pajama pants. he did and i put them on and tried to sleep again. he then tried to fondle my chest, under my shirt. i shoved him away and he apologized. just as i was almost asleep, he again removed my pants. i was frozen in fear, begging in my head for this not to happen. i couldn’t move. he stopped and i breathed a sigh of relief, rolling over and finally getting to sleep. i woke up abruptly with a body on top of me. it was him. he was inside of me. i didn’t know what on earth to do. he didn’t take very long and went to the bathroom. when he did, i rolled over, off the bed, and realized i was completely naked.  began crying and screaming for my best friend. he came rushing back and i screamed for casey again. he laughed at me and went to fetch her. what he said next made me seethe. he went into the room she was in and calmly said “there’s a naked girl on my floor calling for you.” i got up and ran to the other bathroom, locking the door. he had intentionally tried to humiliate me and i was sickened. my best friend came to the door and told me to let her in. she asked me why i hadn’t bothered putting on clothes and i started crying. i told her i didn’t want to do anything with him. she looked shocked and afraid and ran to get my clothes. we wound up sleeping in his guest room because neither of us could drive. the next morning, we were very hesitant to leave. we found out jamie was’t home. we scrabbled for our things and stole all his alcohol as “payback”. while we were getting ready to leave, we noticed his drink, the only alcohol he had had that night, which he said was the reason anything happened, sitting on the sink. full. he says he only touched me and then noticed i was sleeping and left me alone. me and my best friend are the only people who believe my side over his. my ex completely stopped talking to me because of my “horrible accusations” of his friend. my ability to be intimate is still horribly scarred. i can’t tell you how many times i’ve heard “you drank with him.” “you didn’t leave.” “you lead him on.” fact is, i’m not the rapist. it isn’t my fault.

you can keep my name on this if you wish. i have no problems being known. i want anyone who’s been victim blamed to know someone is there for them and feels their pain.

I think I might be in denial, maybe you could help. I was dating this guy named Alex for about 2 months and had known him a couple of years before I started dating him. I knew he hadn’t had a girlfriend in awhile so I didn’t pick up on his controlling behavior. One night we were driving around and we were going to fool around in our usual place. However, there were people around and I felt uncomfortable because it would be too obvious. I could tell he got irritated, so we decided to drive him no but I would “take one for the team.” I felt so uneasy but I didn’t want to make him anymore upset, so I gave in. We ended up having sex without protection. And for the first time after sex, I felt disgusted because I just did something I did not want to do at all. And he knew how I felt but I guess in a way I felt pressure because I didn’t feel like I had any where to go at the time. The next day I talked to 2 guy friends about it (in more detail) and they said what happened was not right at all. After the incident that night, I had asked him to take me home way before curfew and he blew up at me. Saying I must be cheating if I wanted to go home this early, etc. I didn’t talk to him for a couple of days. Then, I finally broke up with him. This happened almost a year ago and I have not talked to him since. It finally hit me about 6 months after it happened that it was rape. It was not violent, but I said no and felt pressured. Now, I’m dealing with the guilt of it all.