Stories of Survivors

When I was 5 I remember a boy the same age introducing me to sex and touching me. I also remember in 1st grade kids touching me. At age 7, this girl 4/5 years older than me would molest me and say lets play mom and dad, I thought it was nothing and played back with her. From age 5 to 10, i would visit my family in London by myself every summer, and me and my cousin who’s the same age would watch porn and touch each other. There was also this creepy, old bell-hop that would watch us. I think he would show me porn and touch me and make me sit on his lap. I never thought all of these situations were bad, but I realized they did affect me. Please dont judge, I know what I did was bad but around age 12/early 13 I touched my younger siblings while in the same bed at the same time for awhile, i dont remember how long exactly. I taught them something they should learn themselves. I know i’m a monster. I grew up in a protective, christian school and protective dad but somehow all of this happend. I have sat them down and apologized recently and they said they forgive me, but I feel like this will affect them. I hate myself to the core and want to help them, please give me advice? I do want to tell my parents everything, but im scared.

I dont judge you, Anon. Your childhood was traumatic, and you didnt know that what you were doing was wrong at the time. The fact that you have guilt and regret shows that you are not inherently a bad person. What you do is up to you, and while your parents may be angry or upset telling them the truth may be a step towards leaving these events behind you and being able to move on. 

-A

Note that any advice given is just that, advice, given by a non-professional.