Stories of Survivors

This is something I have not been able to talk about easily, because I have an opinion about my rape that not many other victims seem to share.I did know my rapist. Not well, but I knew him. We met through my cousin. After my rape, I wasn’t bogged down by depression, anxiety, PTSD; I didn’t stop trusting people. I did go through feelings of hurt, betrayall I felt fear, sadness, rage. But eventually, I really did move on. I didn’t forgive him, I never will, but I’m also not going to let my rape define me. Or change me.

That’s not a judgement of other victims, I know that for many, what happens afterwards is not their fault, or in their control. But for me, I saw no reason why what this sick fuck did should mean that I can’t trust my friends and family. Or that I couldn’t trust people in the future. Not every person I’m gonna meet in the future is going to rape or hurt me. I just have to be more careful from now on, but I can do that.  

However, this was not a popular opinion in my therapy group. I felt like I couldn’t speak my mind about how I really felt about my rape because whenever I did, my other therapy members would think I was judging them, even though I always told them I wasn’t, I was just trying to share my experience. It ended up being the reason I left the group, and started one-on-one therapy instead. Anyway, I don’t really know why I’m telling you all this, I guess I just wanted to get it out there.